Just because I'm blonde, don't think I'm dumb,,,

Yeeeeeeeeeehaw!

After saying I wouldn't be dressing up, I did, of course buy the inevitable pink fluffy cowgirl hat with flashing lights. Well, come on...you have to get involved. (I have got a photo of it on my phone, but can't work out how to transfer it from my phone to the computer) Dolly was absolutely amazing, and sang energetically for over two hours. An amazing feat for a 61 year old, however much plastic is holding her together.

I got a bit emotional a couple of times, mainly because I have pmt, but also, because me and my best friend have always said we would go and see her if she came and toured (18 years since she's been to the UK) and it was great that we went, just the two of us! I did buy Sally a hat too, much to her disgust. She wore it in the end, but insisted on the black version. Party Pooper.

Dolly sang all her best known songs, plus loads more new and old, however, she didn't sing Dumb Blonde, which is one of my favourites, although hardly known in the UK.

I was also impressed with how many instruments she played, every one of them covered in glitter.

So anyway, that's my fabulous glitzy American night over...back to the dreary old UK.

Pour myself a cup of ambition

Now, I don't want anyone to get all jealous and upset, but I have something to tell you about where I am off to tonight. If you think you can't cope with it and will hate me forever, then don't read on, but.....

This evening, I am going to see Dolly Parton in concert.

There. Are you all crying into your cornflakes or your coffee....or your grits? (How anyone ever eats that stuff is beyond me. I ate it in Florida and felt like I was eating mushed up old bits of bread and leftovers.)

Can't wait! I am not going to dress up like a cowgirl or anything, but I hear she puts on a fantastic show. So yeehah, hoedown, apple pie and Budweiser, I'm going all American tonight!

Reminds me of....

This is a loo roll cover. Your granny used to have them when you were a kid, covering the spare loo roll in the toilet.

This is what Sarah Jessica Parkers scent "Lovely" reminded me of.

Toilet roll covers.

Cross Guns, Avoncliff.

Tonight I am going out! With Stewart! Am very excited, as we never get to go out together often due to the lack of babysitters. None of my (very sparse) family live here, and I don't like to ask his family unless it is a really important event. Anyway, The Monster-in-Law has offered for Lizzy to go and stay tonight! This is where we are going. It is a really old pub in between here and Bath. If they don't cater for veggies, I'll come back hungry. We aren't even booking a table. So we might well end up at Pizza Hut.

So anyway...tell me your perfect night out!!

Poe

Today in Poland it is Truants Day. In Australia it is Harmony Day. It is also World Downs Syndrome Day and World Poetry Day.

I spent ages deciding on which one to celebrate and finally chose World Poetry Day. Although I love books, I'm not really one much for poetry. This, however, is my favourite poem. It didn't copy and paste very well....apologies.

Please feel free to post your favourite poems!

Edgar Allan Poe...The City in the Sea

Lo! Death has reared himself a throne In a strange city lying alone Far down within the dim West, Where the good and the bad and the worst and the best Have gone to their eternal rest. There shrines and palaces and towers (Time-eaten towers that tremble not!) Resemble nothing that is ours. Around, by lifting winds forgot, Resignedly beneath the sky The melancholy waters lie.

No rays from the holy heaven come down On the long night-time of that town; But light from out the lurid sea Streams up the turrets silently- Gleams up the pinnacles far and free- Up domes- up spires- up kingly halls- Up fanes- up Babylon-like walls- Up shadowy long-forgotten bowers Of sculptured ivy and stone flowers- Up many and many a marvellous shrine Whose wreathed friezes intertwine The viol, the violet, and the vine. Resignedly beneath the sky The melancholy waters lie. So blend the turrets and shadows there That all seem pendulous in air, While from a proud tower in the town Death looks gigantically down.

There open fanes and gaping graves Yawn level with the luminous waves; But not the riches there that lie In each idol's diamond eye- Not the gaily-jewelled dead Tempt the waters from their bed; For no ripples curl, alas! Along that wilderness of glass- No swellings tell that winds may be Upon some far-off happier sea- No heavings hint that winds have been On seas less hideously serene.

But lo, a stir is in the air! The wave- there is a movement there! As if the towers had thrust aside, In slightly sinking, the dull tide- As if their tops had feebly given A void within the filmy Heaven. The waves have now a redder glow- The hours are breathing faint and low- And when, amid no earthly moans, Down, down that town shall settle hence, Hell, rising from a thousand thrones, Shall do it reverence.

For Emma

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ia__1d_rM

Emma, as the other biggest fan of The Office will love this comic relief clip.

There'll always be an England...

I refuse to celebrate St Patricks Day...and not because I have anything against the Irish (The nicest members of Stews family live in County Meath)...however, I am not Irish. I am English. Or at least, live in England. Why do we not celebrate St Georges Day? Why is it, the only time we see a St Georges flag out is if England are playing football? Quite sad really.

So, Happy St Patricks Day to the Irish. I will be eating Kendall Mint Cake, English Muffins and Strawberries and Cream, all washed down with Pimms.

And trying not to dream of Magners Irish Cider.

The Queen of TV Scheduling

I don't watch much tv. Classic line from a housewife. but honestly, I don't. However, when I am doing washing, laundry, housework etc, I like to have a programme on in the background as opposed to music. Why do TV schedulers think all housewifes are stupid? We are not dumb, we are clever people who have taken career breaks to look after out children. I do not want my intelligence insulted, by having to listen to "Homes under the Hammer" whilst dusting. I don't want to have watch Lorne Spicer with her disgusting blue eyeshadow at a Car boot sale whilst ironing. And I most definitely do not want to see Dick Van Dyke in yet another medical moment when I am scrubbing the loos. (Although when I was 12, I was most determined I would be in the USA by now, married to Scott Baio)

So here's the thing. Now that I am in charge of TV scheduling, here is what is on for the next 24 hours for the foreseeable future.

Midsummer Murders
Poirot (with David Suchet, nobody else even comes close)
Miss Marple (with Joan Hickson, see above)
Darling Buds of May (Before Catherine Zeta Jones ego was as big as Jo Brands backside)
Scrubs
Sex and the City
Will and Grace (only for the Karen Walker Quotes)
Anything with Simon Schama or David Starkey (The Best Historians in the World)
Black and White films with no drugs, swearing or violence
The Simpsons
Peter Kay Live
Inspector Morse and Lewis
Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth)
The Office (English and American version)
Deal or No Deal
What not to Wear (With Trinny and Susannah)

What you will never see on TV again...

Lorne Spicer
Beat the Bailiff
What not to Wear (With anyone except Trinny and Susannah)
Cash in the Attic
Pride and Prejudice (with Kiera Knightly)
Escape to the Country or any other buying a home series
Anything with Russell Brand, Jeremy Kyle, George Clooney, Michael York or Susannah York
Loan adverts
Claiming Compensation adverts
Frasier (Tried to find this funny, and can't)
The Jessica Fletcher programme (whatever the hell it is called)
and
Anything that promotes Chav culture, state scroungers and Lonsdale Uniforms.

Children who have children

I have spent a huge amount of time at the monster in laws over the past few weeks, and nearly every morning she watches The Jeremy Kyle Show. For my friends over the pond, this is along the lines of Jerry Springer, or the female chat show host with the red hair and redder spectacles, whose name escapes me.

Almost every episode has been a "Who is the father of the baby?" programme, and a typical installment consists of a dna test being done on three chavs and a baby, and none of them turning out to be the father anyway.

How tragic are these stories? Spotty schoolgirls who think it is highly hysterical to air their dirty linen on tv. Think it is amusing that they have had unprotected sex with numerous different men, over a short space of time. They seem to have no feelings or thought for their babies (how dreadful for these children to be watching the video in years to come of their fathers swearing and refusing paternity).

There must be something we can do about this alarming and depressing culture. I don't mean the tv programme (although it seems to promote the "hilarity" of the situation) but the whole situation itself.

My personal, highly contraversial and unpopular solutions, would be to refuse these mothers council houses, refuse them their £500 starter kit maternity benefit, and make them do menial jobs whilst their children are in creches.

I have loads more ideas, but would hate be thought of as a facist.

Mobility Scooters...the work of the devil?

Am so much happier with this more grown up template. Can't believe I was posting in all that pink!

I am having a Friday moan. After following an invalid car, (from what feels like all the way from Trowbridge) I would like to know exactly what rights these disability cars have? Are they supposed to be on the roads or the pavements? They don't pay road tax do they? So surely the pavement is the place for these contraptions. I am extremely sorry for people with disabilities....but quite frankly...drive on the bloody pavement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Gate to Calais

I love Hogarth. This particular picture is called The Gate to Calais, or The roast beef of old England. I adore the fact that how ever many times you look at one of his scenes, the next time you go to look at it, you see something else, that you didn't notice before.... He had absolutely no time for the French either.

Razorlights

YouTube - RazorLight Fall To Pieces

Have downloaded this track for my ringtone...got a new phone :oD

Hi-Ho Silver Lining

Stews dad died last week, so this week has been spent making funeral arrangements and pushing pens around forms that mostly I have no idea what the hell they are saying.

Anyway, yesterday we chose the hymns for the funeral, and then the funeral director asked if we would like any music when people leave. Stews mother then replied without batting an eyelid "Yes, Hi-Ho Silver Lining by Jeff Beck" Which got me to thinking about songs for funerals and which would I have. I have always insisted that my funeral song would be something classy but could never quite think of it, seeing as somebody else would probably have chosen it already.

So instead I have decided on Rehab by Amy Winehouse :oD

Films I Should watch...but don't want to.

There are some films know I should watch, but don't have the courage. This is mainly because, despite all the tough talk, I am actually a wimp. So anything above a 12 certificate is usually not the film for me. Ignorance is bliss in my book. So here is my list of films that I have never seen, but should.

Schindlers List
Gandhi
The Deerhunter
Midnight Express
The Blair Witch Project
Gladiator
The Passion of the Christ
Blood Diamond
Gangs of New York

Passport to Pimlico

Because we currently have a family plight, I find my self awake at different times of day watching tv. (Which I don't often do, unless you count Tom and Jerry, Jumanji and Basil Brush for my daughter) If you keep the sky button pressed down, you can find yourself all the really obscure channels. The Bonanza channel shows a 1954 series of Sherlock Holmes (which I am currently reading) at 10am and TCM always has a fab black and white film on. I find myself here at 6.30am looking forward to the start of Mrs Parkington with Greer Garson and Walter Pidgeon,

It makes me realise, I should have been born circa 1930. I adore the Passpoort to Pimlico, Arsenic and Old Lace, Dark Victory, Lavender Hill Mob type films. They are the very best.